Note: YouTube comments of Dr Henry Cloud, Clinical psychologist, leadership consultant, and author.
Summarised below by Dean Ellinson, Principal of Ellinson Legal.
How do you know when your boundaries need strengthening?
Dr Cloud suggests two possible reasons. Either you are simply wise enough to recognise that everything alive requires regular maintenance or you have begun experiencing what he calls “trespasses”.
The Concept of Trespassing
Dr Cloud describes encountering fences in the woods marked with “no trespassing” signs. These signs indicate property boundaries that require permission to cross. Without permission, stepping over those fences would be trespassing.
Permission and the Open Gate
In life, people need permission to step over your boundaries. Healthy attachment involves opening boundaries in positive ways—inviting people into your heart. However, sometimes you need to close that gate to keep people out.
Guarding Your Heart
Understanding what lives within your property (your boundaries) is essential to protecting yourself.
Physical Boundaries
The first boundary is physical, and your body represents the ‘fence’ itself. When considering whether you need stronger boundaries, ask yourself if people are getting over this fence without permission, or if you are giving permission to those who should not have it.
Physical boundaries matter immensely, including the maintenance of your physical health. Dr. Cloud shares his own experience of remembering, six months after retina surgery, that he needed a follow-up appointment. Your fence, your body, needs regular inspection.
The Treasures Within
Inside your body, within your property, lie the treasures of your heart, mind, soul and strength. Dr. Cloud lists your feelings, attitudes, behaviours, choices, values, sense of limits, talents, thoughts, desires, and loves. These are what you are protecting.
To determine if you need stronger boundaries, examine each treasure. Are people interfering with your thinking or talking you out of your thoughts or inserting unwanted ideas? Are they controlling your mind through expectations or dictating how you should live? Have they gained control of your head? What about your feelings? Are people doing things that trigger that internal alarm? Dr. Cloud stresses the importance of listening to that signal.
Without good boundaries, your heart can become wounded.
Are any of your treasures being interfered with?
Do you need stronger boundaries to keep them safe? This inventory process helps identify specific areas requiring attention and protection.
Our experienced team is here to provide you with the guidance you need. Contact us today on 03 8765 2364 to learn more about how we can assist you.
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